When you use EFT on yourself, you raise your energy, and that can only have a positive effect on anyone…
Perhaps the thought of healing relationships using meditation seems farfetched to you. After all, relationships require more than one person, and both have to be willing to cooperate to make it work, right? Some people believe that if they, alone, meditate while the other person in the relationship doesn’t, then the other person will stay the same, and the one meditating will improve. While it’s certainly true that a regular meditation practice will always help you to improve personally, using guided meditation for relationships can also have an impact on another person, because meditation benefits relationships. We’re all energy.
The most effective way to achieve the results you want is to book a few sessions with me. Feel free to contact me via email at Frances@RelieveYourMind.com. You can also go to my YouTube channel, on which I’ll be putting some guided meditations.
“Give yourself permission to know that the meditation you engaged in
actually made some progress in healing your relationship. The more you
practice, the more healing can take place.”
The secret is in knowing that your subconscious mind doesn’t like or want to change. It spent the first seven years of your life collecting positive and negative information that it used to write your life script. Now, it wants to adhere to that script for the remainder of your life. You may know with your conscious mind what would be an improvement, but if it’s not in that script, your subconscious mind will likely not allow it to take place, no matter how committed you may be changing it consciously.
In the instance of attempting to build your relationships without the benefit of meditation, if you’re trying to improve upon a relationship begun without the approval of your subconscious, it will likely resist simply because it perceives the building of the relationship to be a change, even though you know it would be an improvement with your conscious mind. Think of your conscious mind as your intellect and your subconscious mind as what happens automatically. The subconscious comprises ninety to ninety-five percent of your entire mind. It’s bigger, it’s older, and it’s in charge, so if there’s a conflict between the conscious and subconscious, the subconscious wins.
When you employ a building relationships meditation, however, your subconscious mind believes it’s actually having the experience, because it doesn’t know the difference between reality and fantasy. It experiences it as safe and even enjoyable to build your relationship, and it will be much less likely to resist.
Let’s say you want to use meditation to heal difficult relationships. It’s best to do it in a place where you don’t normally sleep, so you won’t have the association to sleep. If you have no other choice, however, arrange your body in a different position than you normally sleep, perhaps putting your feet where your head normally is and vice versa. Prop yourself up with an extra pillow or two. Make sure you’ll be undisturbed for the length of the meditation. If you live with others, alert them not to disturb you, unless it’s an emergency. Turn off any devices. If possible, dim the lights; don’t make it dark because, again, you don’t want to fall asleep, but it should be calming.
Remove eyeglasses, if you wear them. Do not fold your hands or cross your ankles. If you find it relaxing to listen to soft music, a white-noise machine, or to diffuse a scent, feel free to do any of those things. Make sure you’re comfortable. If you get cold when relaxed, cover yourself with a blanket.
Close your eyes. Focus your attention on your toes, noticing how calm and relaxed they are. Allow this lovely sense of relaxation to drift into your feet slowly and gently. When they’re relaxed, slowly move the relaxation into your ankles, then your lower legs. Move this lovely relaxation slowly up your body in small increments, until your entire body is calm and relaxed.
Imagine or pretend you’re standing at the top of a flight of twenty steps. Allow yourself to feel perfectly safe and secure and to know that you are about to make some very positive changes in your life. Imagine a handrail on either side of the steps. As you descend, count backward with each step, giving yourself permission to become more relaxed and open to improvement with each step down until you reach the bottom. When you get there, say “Zero. Very calm, very relaxed.”
Pretend or imagine that you’re standing in front of a lovely, closed door. Again, you know you’re safe and secure, because, on the other side of this door is the most relaxing, calming place you can think of. It may be real or imagined, somewhere you’ve been or would like to go, indoors or outdoors. Whatever the specifics, it’s the most relaxing place you can imagine.
Open the door and step into this place. Allow the calmness and comfort of this place to come over you. Notice whatever there is to notice around you. If you can see things, notice what they look like. If you can hear sounds, notice what they sound like. If you can reach out and touch something, notice how it feels against your skin.
Imagine that you become aware of the presence of a person with whom you want to heal a relationship. This person is open to what you have to say in your imagination, regardless of how things are in reality. Speak to the person, telling the person how you feel, what you want, and what you need in order to heal the relationship. As you speak honestly, allow yourself to imagine the person receiving and understanding you and being willing to cooperate with you. If you have questions for the person, feel free to ask them. Imagine receiving the answer you desire.
When you’re done speaking, imagine the two of you in a warm embrace. Allow the feeling that you’ve truly healed your relationship to come over you. When you feel ready, you can say farewell to the person, and say goodbye to this place for now. Then walk back out through the door through which you entered, closing the door behind you and leaving yourself open only to positive suggestions.
As the final step, count yourself back up to five, and with each number, allow yourself to become more awake, refreshed and alert. When you say the number five, allow your eyes to open and say, “One, two, three, four, five, eyes open, wide awake, feeling better than before, ” a few times.
Give yourself permission to know that the meditation you engaged in actually made some progress in healing your relationship. The more you practice it, the more healing can take place.
If you want to do an intimate relationships meditation, you can do the same series of relaxation exercises mentioned in the previous meditation, and substitute your intimate partner instead. You can have a conversation with that person, being as open and honest as possible and imagining that they are truly receiving your message. If you have questions for the person, feel free to ask them and hear the responses you want. You can also imagine an intimate experience with that person going exactly the way that you want it to go.
Taking the time to imagine your life as you want it makes it far more likely it will come to pass. Perhaps you’ve heard about the power of positive thinking. Guided meditation is utilizing that power. The more you practice, the more effective it becomes. Simply think of these as healthy relationships meditations. If you need any assistance with the meditation, please feel free to contact me through my website, RelieveYourMind.com.
In addition to the guided meditations, one skill you can use for your relationships is to notice the way people in them take in and put out information. Some people are literal and take words at face value. If you say to a literal person, “Today is Thursday, ” and it’s really Thursday, the literal person is likely simply to agree with you.
Other people are inferential. If you make the same statement to an inferential person, you’re more likely to receive a response like, “Why are you telling me that? Did I have something due today? Is it a special occasion?” They don’t take what you say at face value, they analyze it. One way to determine how people take in information is to ask them yes-or-no questions and notice how they respond.
“Do you like this?” “Are you aware of that?” If they answer with a yes or no, they are likely literal. If they have to give an explanation in order to answer, they are more likely inferential. When you notice the way the people in your relationships take in and put out information, you can adjust the way you speak and listen to them so as to make communication more successful.
Another skill you can use in relationships is to note which sense seems to be the dominant one for the person and adjust your speech to refer to that sense. If the person says things like, “I see what you’re saying, ” the person is likely visually dominant. If you use more visual reference in speaking to him or her, your message is more likely to be received.
If, instead, they say, “I hear you,” then you’re likely dealing with an auditory person. In that case, adding more auditory references to your dealings with them will make communication more successful.
Still others may say something like, “I feel you.” In that case, you’re most likely dealing with a kinesthetic person, and using more references to touch is the key to opening up communication for the two of you.
Frances O’Brien
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