Using EFT Can Help With Better Relationships

Perhaps you’ve used Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to improve your life in at least one way, so you’re well aware of its delightful effectiveness.  If that isn’t true, but you’d like to make your life better, please see my website, and contact me for a few sessions. 

You may be wondering how EFT can be used to help better a relationship.  After all, you’re only one person in the relationship, and the relationship involves at least two.  One reason you can use healing relationships EFT is that everything is energy, including your relationship, yourself, and anyone else involved in said relationship.  When you use EFT on yourself, you raise your energy, and that can only have a positive effect on anyone else in your relationship.  

Another reason you can begin healing relationships with EFT is that, even though we’re all disparate bodies, we’re the same spirit, so, by healing yourself, you actually heal everyone along with you.  EFT has been used quite successfully in a surrogate capacity, as well, meaning one individual uses it to heal another person, animal, or situation.  EFT benefits relationships.

“When you use EFT on yourself, you raise your energy, and that can only have a positive effect on anyone else in your relationship. “

How can I build my relationships with EFT?

EFT is great for healing difficult relationships.  One of my former coworkers was a demanding, unreasonable attorney well into his sixth decade in age.  He threw tantrums for all to see and hear, and he didn’t care what anyone thought about him.  Working with him gave me an actual pain in my neck.  Your body speaks to you.  Listen.  Not realizing what caused the neck pain, however, I began tapping to relieve it, but, as I did, I kept thinking of that coworker.  After some time, I realized the connection between the pain and the coworker.

Tapping next on the negative feelings that I had about him, eventually, a phrase occurred to me, “He needs constant attention.”  Since I’m familiar with the Mirror Concept (anything that bothers you about someone else is a reflection of yourself), I began to question how it was that the need for constant attention related to me.  Not only don’t I need constant attention, most attention makes me uncomfortable.  

Despite that, I kept tapping, although, I wasn’t really sure where it was all going.  Soon, I began to have memories of my childhood in which I’d felt abandoned, invisible, and I longed for attention.  Since I’d never received it or tried to resolve that issue, I shifted to tapping about my childhood experiences and, with some time and many cathartic tears, I managed to vent most of that.  By the time I was done tapping about the coworker, he’d become a much less offensive person.  Soon after that, the company went out of business, and I never had to deal with that coworker again.  Because I’d continued tapping about my childhood, I healed my Inner Child in the process.

How does EFT help my relationships with others?

Try this easy healthy relationships EFT suggestion.  Whatever the situation may be, write down a few words, phrases or sentences about what the problem is, even if it seems the other person is entirely at fault.  When you’ve written several phrases, choose a number from one to ten that represents how distressed you are about the problem at that moment.  This is not a number representing how bad you feel the problem is, it’s a measurement of how distressing it is to you at that moment.

If it has negatively affected your life, you think about it frequently, and/or you’ve had to alter anything in order to avoid the person or situation, you’ll likely choose a high number.  If it doesn’t feel very distressing when you’re ready to tap, but it did in the past, try to remember how that felt, and start with that number.  The higher the number you start with, the more you will accomplish in any given session.  Don’t lie just to make it high; be honest, but try to remember how it felt at its worst.  

When you’ve got all that, write your Set-Up Statement which is a personal, specific version of this: “Even though I [have this problem—be specific], I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself.”  Use the words, phrases, or sentences you wrote earlier to compose it.  When you’re ready to tap, you’ll need three of these statements.  You can either say one phrase three times or come up with three aspects to the problem.  

The first place you tap is the meaty, outer edge of either hand where you’d make contact if you practiced a Karate chop (Side of Hand point).  While you tap there, you say the Set-up Statement three times or three different versions of it.

Let’s say you feel your coworker Pat is out to get you fired.  You can write, “Even though Pat is determined to get me fired, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I fear Pat says negative things about me to our boss, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’m afraid I’ll lose this job, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself.”

Next, tap the rest of the points using Reminder Statements (one for each point), like “I fear Pat says negative things about me,” “Pat is determined to get me fired,” and “I’m afraid I’ll lose my job because of Pat.” Start just above the beginning of either eyebrow (the Eyebrow Point); move to the bone on the outside of either eye (Side of Eye); the bone under either eye just below the pupil (Under Eye); continue just below your nose in the divot that runs to your top lip (Under Nose); just below your bottom lip (Chin Point); about an inch below and an inch out from either clavicle knob (Collar Bone); a hand’s width below your armpit (Under Arm); and, finally, the crown of your head (Top of Head). 

One round consists of three of the Set-Up Statements on the Side of Hand point, then several rounds of tapping on the Reminder points until you feel less distressed when you think about the problem.  When the distress is lower, stop tapping, take a deep breath, release it, and reassess your number.  It should be lower.  If it isn’t, tap longer.  You can do as many rounds as it takes to feel better.  You can use tapping as much as you want.  It’s never too much, and it’s never contraindicated.

Tap firmly enough that you feel it, but not so hard that it hurts.  Tap using two or three fingers.  You can use your left or right hand, tap on your left or right side, you can alternate sides, or you can tap on both sides.  Whatever works for you is fine.  Please be sure you’re well-hydrated.

You can also use intimate relationships EFT.  Let’s say your partner’s name is Chris, and you’re concerned that Chris is losing interest.  Perhaps you fear Chris is thinking about having a relationship with someone else or, maybe, already is.  Your Set-Up Statements might be, “Even though I’m afraid Chris is losing interest in our relationship, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself,” or “Even though I fear Chris may be looking for someone else, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself,” or perhaps, “Even though I worry Chris may already be having an affair, I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive myself.”

Your Reminder Statements might be, “I fear Chris is no longer interested in me,” or “I’m worried Chris is going to cheat,” or “At times, I worry Chris is cheating on me.”  Again, tap until you begin to feel better about the situation.  When you do, stop, take in a deep breath, and reassess your number, which, if you’ve tapped enough, will be lower.  Continue tapping rounds until you can get the number down as far as you want.

You can also use building relationships EFT.  If you don’t have the concerns mentioned above, but you want to create a stronger, better relationship, you still do those steps, but with different, appropriate Set-Up and Reminder Statements.  “Even though our relationship is not quite as strong as I’d like, I deeply and completely love, accept, and forgive myself,” or “Even though we could have a better relationship, etc.,” or “Even though I’d like our relationship to be [fill in the blank], etc.”  

Then, your Reminder Statements will also be about building the relationship.  “I would love for us to have a stronger relationship,” or “I would love our relationship to be closer than it is,” or “I am grateful our relationship gets stronger every day.” Be as specific as you can with your statements.

What are the benefits of using EFT?

The benefits of EFT and healthier relationships is that the results are all-natural, easy-to-achieve, free, and portable.  In addition, they require no special equipment or clothing.  Depending upon the situation, it may take some time to achieve the exact results that you want, but when you do, you will enjoy them for a long time to come.  EFT empowers you.

Each time you use EFT to improve a relationship, you’ll be surprised at how effective it is and at how you had the power to make that change, even though another person was involved who may not have been using EFT.  Because we’re all in relationship with ourselves and others, EFT and relationships naturally work well together.  EFT relationships are some of the strongest there are.

Please do book a session with me.  There’s no need to suffer any longer.  I’d love to help you get to where you want to be with your relationship!  Book a discovery call and/or session through

Frances O’Brien

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