Authentic Relating: Breakthrough Techniques for Real Connection in an Isolated World

Authentic relating is a structured practice that creates safe containers for deeper, more vulnerable conversations than typical social interactions. Unlike regular conversations that often stay on surface topics, authentic relating uses specific techniques like timers, sentence stems, and explicit agreements to help people share what they’re really thinking and feeling. As Tim Behrens explains, it’s about creating “social playgrounds” where you can express genuine curiosity and ask questions you actually want to know, rather than making small talk.

While formal training with organizations like Art International or Offrev can deepen your skills, you can start practicing authentic relating principles immediately. Begin with simple exercises like the Noticing Game with willing friends or family members. However, attending workshops or working with trained facilitators like Tim Behrens can provide safer containers for deeper exploration and help you learn the more advanced techniques properly.

Authentic relating can actually be especially beneficial for social anxiety because it creates structured, time-limited interactions with clear agreements. Tim Behrens himself continues to experience social anxiety while facilitating these practices. The key safety feature is that everyone agrees to “take care of themselves,” meaning you always have permission to pass on exercises or step out if needed. The timers also help because you know any uncomfortable moment will only last for a specific duration.

The Noticing Game is the foundational authentic relating exercise:

1. Internal check-in: Close your eyes and notice what you’re feeling, thinking, and experiencing in your body
2. Eye contact: Open your eyes and make non-verbal eye contact with your partner
3. Share authentically: Use sentence stems like “Being here with you, I feel…” and share honest, present-moment experiences
4. Responsive listening: The listener responds with “Hearing that, I feel…” and shares how their experience shifts
5. Continue exchange: Go back and forth, creating what Tim calls “we space”

Authentic relating addresses isolation by teaching skills for meaningful connection that many people never learned. It provides structured opportunities to practice vulnerability, active listening, and genuine curiosity about others. As Tim observed, people often say after their first experience: “I’ve never had that level of interaction with someone I just met.” It shows us that deep connection is possible and gives us tools to create it in our daily lives.

The core agreement in authentic relating is that everyone takes care of themselves. This means:

• You have permission to pass on any exercise or question
• You can step out if you need space
• You’re responsible for your own boundaries and comfort level
• You don’t need to caretake others’ emotions
• You can trust others to speak up for their own needs

This agreement paradoxically creates more safety and freedom for authentic expression than typical social situations.

Absolutely! Authentic relating skills transfer directly to personal relationships. You can practice techniques like:

• Asking genuinely curious questions instead of making assumptions
• Sharing present-moment feelings rather than stories about the past
• Using “I’m experiencing…” language instead of “I am…” when discussing challenges
• Creating explicit agreements for deeper conversations with loved ones
• Practicing the morning awareness techniques Tim suggests

Many people notice immediate benefits after their first authentic relating experience – often reporting deeper connection than they’ve felt in years. However, developing ongoing skills happens gradually:

• First session: Often profound connection with strangers, realization that vulnerability is possible
• First month: Beginning to integrate practices into daily conversations
• 3-6 months: Noticeable improvements in relationship depth and social confidence
• Ongoing: Continued development of emotional intelligence and connection skills

While both involve vulnerability and emotional expression, authentic relating is mutual and reciprocal rather than having one person in a helper role. It’s about peer-to-peer connection and community building rather than diagnosis or treatment. However, many people find authentic relating practices therapeutically beneficial and complementary to formal therapy. Some practitioners like Tim Behrens combine authentic relating facilitation with hypnotherapy training.

Search for these terms in your local area:

• “Authentic Relating” + your city name
• “Circling groups” or “Circling practice”
• “Conscious communication workshops”
• “Vulnerability-based connection events”
• Check Meetup.com, Facebook events, and community centers
• Contact facilitators like Tim Behrens who may know of groups nationwide
• Look for organizations affiliated with Art International or other training institutes

Authentic relating practices specifically prepare for this possibility through the self-care agreements and facilitator training. Trained facilitators know how to hold space for strong emotions while maintaining group safety. The time limits and structure help contain intensity. Most importantly, the agreement that everyone takes care of themselves means individuals can step out, take breaks, or modify their participation as needed. Strong emotions are often welcomed as signs of authentic expression and breakthrough.

Authentic relating adapted beautifully to online formats during the pandemic, and many groups continue offering virtual options. Tim Behrens trained extensively online with groups from Denver and Austin. While in-person connection offers additional somatic cues, the core practices of eye contact, vulnerable sharing, and structured listening translate well to video calls. Many people actually find online formats less intimidating initially.

This hypnotherapy technique that Tim incorporates suggests avoiding possessive language around problems:

• Instead of “my anxiety,” say “the anxiety I’m experiencing”
• Instead of “my depression,” say “the depression I’m healing from”
• Instead of “my relationship problems,” say “the relationship challenges we’re working through”

This creates psychological distance from problems and opens space for change. In authentic relating, this helps people share vulnerably without over-identifying with their struggles, making conversations more fluid and solution-oriented.